@slimmy_shady: "Let there be one more blade!"-Gillette marketing concepts.
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@OhNoSheTwitnt: Social media is great. Before Facebook I'd never know what the girl who wrote "dirty Jew" on my 8th grade locker was thankful for this year.
@sixfootcandy: [trick-or-treating] Her: *crying* Mommy, she gave me an orange with a pumpkin drawn on it! Me: Honey, hold mommy’s flask for a minute.
@msdanifernandez: Parents are like “i don’t want my teen having sex” and i get it. I had sex as a teen and now every full moon I turn into a giant sex
@AntozWolf: I have an inferiority complex about my superiority complex. I know I'm better than you, but I feel really bad about it.