@torrami: "Let's give the bad guy a ponytail." - 80s movies
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@squirrel74wkgn: No one talks to you on the bus when you're shaking a box of Milk Duds that your head phones are plugged into.
@Smooheed: *waits for someone to have sex with me so I can use the 'sex with me is like' joke format*
@Mom_Overboard: Boyfriend: I love you more than I love cake Me: aww you must really love cake Ex-boyfriend: eh it's alright I guess
@zachheltzel: Tell women at the bar you are the lead singer of Train. There's no way they can know your lying.