“Let’s go around the room & name our biggest fears”

SUPERMAN: Kryptonite


MARIO: When a turtle slowly walks in my direction

You Might Also Like


When people try to play games with you, simply choose not to play. Unless it’s Naked Twister. Never turn down Naked Twister.


ME{from upstairs}: Honey, I’m gonna take a Bublé bath
WIFE: You mean bubble bath, dear
ME: Right
MICHAEL BUBLÉ: Are you getting in or what?


Him: my gf left me

Me: theres plenty of fish in the sea

Him: yeah but-

Me: also a squirrel

Him: …what

Me: and a sponge in a pineapple


[after moving into a haunted house]

*setting up potters wheel* OH NO WHO WILL HELP ME LEARN POTTERY

*sitting in silence for 40mins*


Take it from me. Your wife will not like it if you say, “My twitter girls would do that”


Turkey bacon is a lot like normal bacon except that IT’S NOT AND IT NEEDS TO GO BACK TO HELL, WHERE IT CAME FROM.


me: omg I love these *leans in* Alexa, hello. hello Alexa. can you hear me?

son: Dad, that’s grandma’s urn


girlfriend: [seductively] is there anything new you’d like to try in bed
me: maybe spaghetti but I’d probably make a mess


Strange things: the prequel

Stranger things

2 Stranger 2 Things

Strangest Threengs

Strangfour th4ngs

5tranger Thing5

Stranger Things 6: Tokyo Drift