Question: If a King runs a Kingdom…& an Emperor runs an Empire…
Who runs a country?
Let’s join our hands together and pray for my husband who very tragically compared me to my mother.
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Hey baby, are you climate change? Cuz I believe in you.
Commas. Use them.
LITTLE MERMAID 2016:
SEA WITCH URSULA: Your voice is mine mwaahahaha!!!
ARIEL: *flicks eyes up; keeps texting*
God: then you become a butterfly
Caterpillar: wow. the rest of my life as a butterfly
God: yeah lol the “rest”
Caterpillar: how long
Caterpillar: how long God
Forget about whether or not you have curves, real women have brains.
Him: *wipes mouth and tosses napkin on unfinished plate*
Me: *seductively slides napkin to the side and finishes his meal*
I’m dating a girl who owns a broken guitar. No strings attached
Wanna terrify a homeless dude? Dress as a grocery store clerk and pretend to scan all the stuff in his shopping cart
My 7 yr. old thought it would be really funny to hold up a sign in the back window of the car that said “HELP ME!”. It was not.