Let’s move on now. if I had a pound for every time I heard a Brexit joke this week I’d nearly have a Euro.

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“Give me pizza or give me death…” my history loving son’s version of a threat.


Raise the roof!
The roof is on fire!
Hit the club!
Bust those moves!
Burning the dance floor!

– RL partying sounds so violent


I don’t always drink iced coffee, but when I do, it’s because my kids prevented me from drinking it hot so I gave up and added some ice.


The worst thing about middle aged dating is you legitimately don’t know if you’ve been ghosted or the object of your affections has just died.


How to make a grown man cry.
Take him shopping with you.


Her: undress me with your words

Him: I just saw a spider go down your top


[Homeschool field trip to the laundry room]

Kids: Dad, what IS this place?

Me: I have absolutely no idea


Dog pissed about wearing cone after surgery. Dog spends night banging cone against walls, keeping human awake.