@thatUPSdude: Let's remove all the Warning Labels and thin out the herd.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@murrman5: [surgeon in the recovery room] in addition to the hernia we also found $20 in change [me who's always been a good tipper] you're welcome
@jazmasta: Ever think about an old friend and wonder what they're doing right now? They're playing on their phone. Everyone is playing on their phone.
@signalborder: Delivering eulogy at o’possum’s funeral: Before I start I’d like to give Jeff a few more minutes to come around.
@ArfMeasures: Doctor: What's the problem? Me: Our baby cries all night Doctor: That's quite normal Baby: ALL NIGHT Doctor: Holy shit