LIAM NEESON: I have a peculiar set of skills.
ME: I think the line is ‘particular’.

*He rollerblades away juggling dogs*

You Might Also Like


Canadians leaving south for vacation are like Americans escaping marriage, desperately trying to escape frigid temperatures…


What a tense, tense day 4/19 was. Maybe tomorrow, somehow, will be a little mellower.


The movie scene where discarded clothes lead to lovers in bed, except it’s my clothes leading to my wife picking them up and cursing me.


Why do I have to use leaves as toilet paper when I go camping while we have bears out there using Charmin?


Some people are dealing with real life crises right now and need your nudes now more than ever


DATE: Are we in Starbucks because you’ve forgotten my name?

ME: Haha of course that’s

BARISTA: Latte for Rachel

ME: not true, Rachel

DATE: That’s not mine



BAE: come over
ME: we live together im sitting right here
BAE: my parents arent home
ME: what is wrong with you


DOCTOR: u broke ur leg in five places, how did this happen
ME:*flashback of me trying to carry too much ice cream up the stairs* bears.