*lies down on waxing table
Aesthetician(on phone): Cancel all my appts, check the moon phase and bring me a gun loaded with silver bullets.
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A bird laments over the corpse of its fallen comrade. “Tern down. For what?”
Me : I wanna go home
Boss: where’s your dedication?
Me : I left it at home can I go get it ?
DARTH VADER: I am your father
LUKE: Buy me some jeans then
DV: *reluctantly hands over money* …You better actually buy jeans with this
[cute girl slides me note]
Do you like me? Yes or No
[I slide note back]
Are you a robot? Circle all the traffic lights
Live today like it’s your last.
But pay your bills and use a condom just in case it isn’t.
I slipped on ice and discovered I’m a natural at break dancing
GF: Sue at the bra shop said u got some lingerie
G: Only u didn’t give it to me
M: [nervously adjusting thong] I’m having an affair
I would rather have a 100 poisonous spiders dumped on my naked body than a second date.
Me: So that’s a no?