My favorite Yoga Pose is the Upward Facing Couch Potato.
Life hack: If I ever end my advice with “I promise”, do the opposite. I’m bored and want to see if you’re going to do the stupid shit I suggested.
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Me: No I’ll fight you RIGHT NOW
ME: want anything for breakfast?
BOSS: just banana
[struggling to hold office door shut]
ANA: let me in!
ME: sorry boss said to ban you
If theres an otter, youre underwater. If a ferret you see, then on land you be.
There was a fire at the Yankee Candle store. 8 killed. 19 injured. 1200 soothed.
I interviewed 300 high achievers about their morning routine, and you will never believe, they all have inherited family wealth.
Me: *buys a blue chair online*
Internet: check out these 16 similar blue chairs since you obv collect blue chairs
HR: Do you know why I called you in here today?
Me: I have a boyfriend
HR: Ok, sorry to bother you
I’m starting to think some of you are actually on Facebook.
You know we just joke about being Facebook right?
Just found out my daughter’s super power is repeating what I’ve said about others as soon as she meets them.