@DainWins: Life hack: McDonald's will deliver if you tell them that you are holding Ronald hostage for a ransom of [your desired food order]
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@eddiesteadyno: The plan was to keep eating these alcoholic chocolates until I was either drunk or diabetic. I didn't bargain on "bankrupt" being an option.
@TheMichaelRock: My boys cleaned out my car and now my change is missing. Little do they know, it costs exactly $3.63 to turn our wifi back on.
@Madame_Royale: I'm in so much trouble. My twitter crush found out about my boyfriend and now they're both on their way to tell my husbands.