Life is always one step forward, two steps back…Then slide to the left…Slide to the right. CRISS CROSS!!!

You Might Also Like


Either Mercury is in retrograde or I made a series of poor choices that have since born fruit, but who can argue with the planets?


This 5 year old is taking a call from his secret agent on a calculator and now I hate my phone.


I hate when people text ‘call me’. I’m going to start calling people, say ‘text me’ and then hang up.


Unless you’re a female bat and you gave birth hanging upside down, I’m not interested in hearing about how your baby was born.


Body language tells us a lot about people. For example, my neighbor really doesn’t like to be held underwater for more than 2 minutes.


“Babe I’m ready for bed”

“Why so early its the weekend?”

“Next up Channel 6 News reveals Ashley Madison’s local business men”


I just had the thought “pfft. Your father can’t die before you are born,” and I believed it for a full minute. Because I’m smert.


“What if your breakfast could occasionally spit acid in your eye?”
-Inventor of grapefruit