@: life is an endless cycle of shame, terror and pain punctuated by brief moments of pizza
@panmidwest: INTERVIEWER: strengths?
ME: I'm good at presenting both sides of an argument
ME: which could also be a weakness…
@Sleinso: In hell your pizza delivery guy is a snail.
@BoogTweets: Me: *Trying to sneak to the fridge for a late night snack*
Hardwood floors: ALLOW ME TO SING YOU THE SONG OF MY PEOPLE
@causticbob: I'm so pro-life,
I believe life begins at erection.
@shariv67: Just realized the Master Card logo is a Venn diagram.