@dudehugs
TUPAC IS DEAD
BIGGIE IS DEAD
AND ME ALSO I AM FEELING NOT SO GOOD
@jillyhendrix
Life is basically avoiding people who have seen you naked while trying to find new people to see you naked.
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@dudehugs
@KirstenCatClub
[God Creating Raccoons]
God: make a panda but a trash panda, then give it a mask so that people would know it will kill them for their food
@huntigula
Dammit, stop summoning me to fight global warming! I’ll believe it when the remaining 3% of scientists believe it! -Republican Capt. Planet
@Mostly_Cheese
Me: Mark from Boston, you’re on the air.
Therapist: You pretend to be a radio host to avoid confrontation.
M: Let’s take another call.
@junejuly12
People who love to clean are just practicing to eliminate the evidence
@pabstdriver
I HATE when people use song lyrics as their status! It makes. me wanna SHOUT! Kick my heels back and SHOUT! Throw my arms up and SHOUT..Etc.
@ShellHasDragons
Oh so you like stuff? Name three stuff.
@PleaseBeGneiss
[god creating worms]
WORM: Alright I’m a snake!
GOD: Well, no you—
WORM: I’m a snake hissss. Am I venomous?
GOD: *patting worm’s head* Sure buddy
@dreamthievin
ANYTHING can be considered your job if you hate it enough.
@awescar
*rips finished page from adult coloring book*
*puts it on daughter’s toy kitchen fridge*