Life is like a box of chocolates,
The good ones are always gone before I get there!

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I’m banned from Church ever since I yelled “fake news” one too many times.


In high school I was voted class clown after I gave people red balloons and dragged them into the sewer.


Take me down to the paranoid city where the grass is TRYING TO KILL ME and the girls are CONSPIRING AGAINST ME


Wolverine was named that because he was a combination of a wolf and a nectarine I will not be taking questions at this time.


If I was a Disney princess I’d most likely be Tacobelle.

Thanks for reading.


Tried to get my 7 year old cousin to play Hungry Hungry Hippos but the fences at the zoo are really high.


I’m no different than the average working guy. I have two arms, two legs and 4.2 billion dollars. ~ Donald Trump