Interviewer : What are your expectations?
Me : Job.
Interviewer : I mean what do you want from this job?
Me : Salary
Life is like a roller coaster: There are ups & downs, you often feel like vomiting, but in the end there are weird pictures of you for sale.
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Thanks to Fitbit, all my anxious pacing can be passed off as exercise.
Someone hash-tagged “share the love,” and I read it as “shave the love.” I thought, yeah, I can get on board with that.
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It’s amazing how many people can hit pine trees and drive with them still hanging on their car roofs. Like nothing happened.
Dude, the fact that I called YOU to bail me out of jail is quite the compliment, so let’s dial back that “It’s 4 am!” attitude, mmkay?
*Attempts to give a Homeless guy change*
Him: Thanks. You never know, one day my situation might be you.
Me: Really? *holds on to change*