@tmulannn

Life of a Uni student
1. You wake up?You ask yourself why you woke up
2. You go to lecture you start writing then the lecturer changes the slide then you stop writing and you start online shopping or playing games
3. You go home and wonder why you even went it.

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@skittle624

I was terrified when my son started driving alone, but then realized he could get dinner and grocery shop. I’m good now.

@usermcuserface

Guy behind me in line at the gas station was standing close enough to reenact the pottery scene from ghost.

@Terdoh

I had a dream where children were allowed to pick their parents, and I woke up thinking “This is not The Gates’ residence.”

@ibid78

*uses handkerchief*
Well now that this is used, it seems I won’t be blowing my nose again til laundry day.

@GensPlace

By the time I catch up with a joke format, I’m like a baker trying to sell yesterday’s doughnuts.

@Deno_Tron

Roommate has date coming by later and asked me to clean bc he’s not home. So I made a Princess D shrine in his room

@GeauxSaints79

911:

I’d like to report a Twief!

911: What?

A Twurglar!

911: I don’t follow

You can’t catch em like that. Hurry they’re getting stars!

@MartaEffing

This gym’s proximity to three fast food joints is both troubling and comforting.

@steveolivas

11yo son just walked by.

If Axe was a drug, I’d be stoned right now.