science: the human body is a fine tuned machine
my nervous system: [releases stress chemicals for no reason]
my immune system: [is allergic to pollen, air and ghosts]
my personality: ? [i don’t know who i am lmao]
Life tip – buy a birthday card with your morning bottle of wine and people will think it’s a gift.
You are welcome.
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Look, if all you have is candy corn in this van, I’m going to have to get out.
Sometimes I wish you could ask the pharmacist to “make it a double”.
Meanwhile in Northern Ireland.
My friend David recently lost his ID. Now we just call him dav.
When I practice my saxophone I have to put the cat in the window, so my neighbours know I’m not kicking it around the living room.
Becky on FB is “too blessed to be stressed” so I told her that I slept with her boyfriend.
Twitter is like a rocking chair.
It gives you something to do
and takes you nowhere
[being taken hostage]
*tearing up* it’s so nice to have someone take an interest