Alex Jones said that lesbians are torturing women and eating their brains.
Ummmmm…Alex? That’s not
Life was simpler when photo albums were books containing pleasant family snaps and not digital online librarys of me puking in a shoe.
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ME: I’ll have an Irish Coffee
BARTENDER: Sure thing *drops a potato into a regular coffee*
COP: [through megaphone] LET ONE OF THE HOSTAGES GO
ROBBER: Okay, who wants out?
ME: [spinning on bosses chair] I’m comfortable.
My car ran out of gas in a trailer park and now I have the most expensive home in the neighborhood.
I put the ‘extra vag’ in extravaganza
Twitter has no plot, millions of characters, & it never ends. Basically, it’s a “Hobbit” movie.
I bet when they discovered the radish everyone was like “Let’s name it Rad!” and one guy was all “Let’s dial that back a bit.”
I drink coffee because I don’t think I would do well going to prison for murder.
ME: *scattering remains* He loved this park.
PARK RANGER: But…but he hasn’t been cremated!
ME: *lowering axe* Cremated?
I’m testing my theory that I can get away with putting a 0 or N/A in a work report that requires answers when I don’t know the answers.