*Likes your fan page* *Hides activity from timeline*

*Likes your fan page* *Hides activity from timeline*

- @MaryKoCo

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The International Space Station was assembled IN SPACE.
I can’t follow one page of illustrated instructions to assemble an IKEA dresser.


wife: what’d you do today

me: [ate an entire block of cheese] I kept our son from eating an entire block of cheese


A bank safety deposit box may seem extreme, but you don’t understand how hard it is to hide a box of Girl Scout cookies from my family.


I offer kid $1 to do a chore. He sticks dollar in pocket. I get dollar back on laundry day.

Lather. Rinse. Repeat!


I wanted to do a sexy boudoir photoshoot for my boyfriend, but the radiologist had a totally different agenda


Here’s a promise – if a scuba shop is within sprinting distance of the ocean and they let me try stuff on I’m not paying for a damn thing.


Trees put cats in their hair so they can flirt with firefighters when they climb up them.


By the third kid you say stuff like “here’s a dollar. Throw your tooth in the garbage and the Tooth fairy will pick it out later.”