Listen guys, if a 5yo comes up to you and asks if it’s true that zombies won’t eat kids who eat their broccoli, BACK ME UP, DAMN IT.

You Might Also Like


*repeatedly tries to explain Sisyphus to classmates who have apparently never heard of him*

I wish you guys could get how ironic this is.


This is the first meme I’ve ever shared but it’s a day of firsts so…


An audiobook that is 8 hours of breathing and page turning with a surprised “Oh, out loud?” right at the end.


No, autocorrect, I’m not “pooping” popcorn. Not now anyway. Later, yes, but I don’t plan to text about it.


“We have literally a zillion binders full of selfies.” – Top Secret NSA Memo


A popcorn necklace is a nice way to tell someone you want them to be attacked by birds.


Me: What’s your strongest weakness?

Candidate: …

*Realises stupid question & thinks of cover up

M: It’s a trick question. You’re hired!


You know, you don’t realise what you’ve got until you don’t have it. I just ran out of toilet paper …


the hamster has finally figured out her wheel. is it possible for her to exercise too much? should I take the wheel out sometimes? I’m worried she’s about to start a fitness instagram


Deodorant? I’ve never needed to buy any. People just give it me. Complete strangers sometimes