Donating blood gets complicated when it’s not yours. So many questions.
Listen, you should really give your mother a call. She’s concerned that “the haters” in her Zumba class are organizing and gaining power.
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Guys, if you forget your girl’s birthday, just look into her eyes and say, “I love you.” Then run, because that is not going to help.
Due to the weather, I was able to use the words “wet and slippery” at work all day without anyone thinking I’m a big perv.
Me, an Astronaut: *home from mission*
Her: And so you’re back
Me: Do we have to do the Gloria Gaynor thing everytime?
Her: From outer space
“I don’t want a boyfriend.” -woman who wants a boyfriend who isn’t me
“Just saw this! I’d love to go to dinner!”
Him: That was 3 years ago, I have a wife & kid now.
“Bring ’em! Sister Wives is my jam!”
Technology is moving so fast. My toaster just sprinted across the kitchen.
22 y.o. male seeks woman who will kill spiders for him. Will do sex if required, but mostly please kill spiders
[lying in bed after sex]
Sorry for all the screaming, I’m afraid of the dark
Not a big conspiracy theory guy but I’m convinced that Nature Valley Crunchy Granola Bars are made by Dyson.