@Dmvm1977: When I get home to find my wife naked in the tub, seductively asking me to "warm her up", I dont waste a second.. to throw in a hairdryer

@curlycomedy: Someone accused me of spending too much time on the Internet. I don't know what to say. I am so full of emoticons right now.

@Thynebear: Yeah, if Albert Einstein is so smart then why is he dead?

@OhNoSheTwitnt: Mom holding crying baby: He just needs to be changed. Me: Yeah hopefully into a puppy or something quieter.

@ThugRaccoons: God: *creates oceans* Lucifer: I SEA what you did there LOL God: Get out