@Andee_Stewart *popular kid is struggling in class
*gets a tutor to help
*Kool-Aid
@BitchyJasmine Listened to some Beethoven last night. And some Lady Gaga today. Now I’m quite confused.
Who’s the deaf one again?
Listened to some Beethoven last night. And some Lady Gaga today. Now I’m quite confused.
Who’s the deaf one again?
- @BitchyJasmine
funnytweeter.comYou Might Also Like
@Andee_Stewart 
@TheBigBatman her: psssssssst
me: ?
her: psssssssssssssssssssssst
me: ???
her: psssssssssssssssssssssssssssstGOD DAMN IT, MY BLOW UP DOLL HAS A PUNCTURE
@mattZillaaaa My anxiety is so bad I keep thinking that I forgot to shut the garage door and I don’t even have a garage.
@ericsshadow [on a date]
HER: any accomplishments?
ME: yeah, i’m an award winning [eyes darting around] award winning [sees a dog] dog… liker
HER: awww
@daemonic3 “You know that’s not even a word, right?” I said, condescendingatively
@mikealfredcaine my grandad came to this country with four pounds in his pocket, my nan was holding a suitcase full of cash & heroin
@PaperPlateFace2 Tried to steal some candy from a baby.
I got hit in the face with a rattle and then it puked on me
They lied about how easy that was.
@JohnLyonTweets Her: Who was your first love?
Me: Debbie.
H: What was she like?
M: She was little.
H: Are you talking about snacks?
M: [mouth full] Maybe.
@RidiculousSheri My life is like a movie where two soulmates meet in line at the grocery store, except I’m the woman behind them buying tampons and cat food.
@drinksmcgee I told my wife that I married my best friend and she smiled and kissed me on the forehead. To be honest, I was surprised that she was so cool about being in a polygamous marriage with my best friend Frank.