@Parkerlawyer: Listening to my husband's gorilla snoring and contemplating if I could record it and sell to the FBI as an alternative to waterboarding.
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@Book_Krazy: Him: You're not the sharpest tool in the shed, are you darlin? Me: HOW DARE Y... Wait, did you just call me darlin
@batsly: I hate when I walk in on another guy in a bathroom stall and, since we're both on our phones, neither of us notices until I sit on his lap.
@basit_saeed: When people fall with their iPhone 6 in pocket and hear a crack sound: "Please let it be my leg, Lord."