@junejuly12

Little known Chinese proverb – He who walks barefoot in a dog’s backyard will be sorry

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@WilliamAder

“Down”
“Penetration”
“Tight End”
“Ball handling”
Don’t the networks have censors any more?

@mack44_d

Apparently, it’s considered bad form to bring their luggage to the graduation ceremony.

@captainkalvis

CRIME SCENE

me: four dots in his neck, i suspect two vampires

british officer: what about that bloody fork

me: this is no time to eat sir

@SthembileSimel5

Midrand traffic is caused by married men who don’t want to go home after work..

@Quartzjixler

If you carry a clipboard, put a pen behind your ear, wear a stopwatch around your neck, and, depending on where you are, wear either a lab coat or a reflective safety vest you can pretty much walk right in anywhere you like.

@BeeeejEsq

Her: I can’t believe you got us kicked out of my cousin’s wedding.

Me: They totally overreacted. People have been throwing rice at newlyweds for centuries!

Her: Pork fried rice??

@BDGarp

Okay, you got me, I’m not really a gynecologist. What gave it away? Was it the tongue thing?

@regular_rebelme

If you ask me to hold your drink, I will.

But I will also drink it. So..you know.

@UnFitz

This boot was made for walking.
This other boot was made for finding dog poop, apparently.

@JPLFR80

Those traps inside ancient temples still work after thousands of years but you sit on your ear buds ONE time…