Little known fact:

Centipede’s are the Metric version of Inchworms.

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The longer you look at this the better it gets


Do women who complain about never getting laid know about men?


Them: why are you wearing a cape?

Me: i feel naked without it

Them: you are naked

Me: no, i’m wearing my cape


Your loss, middle school cheerleading squad. Turns out I’m really good at yelling at people.


I hate when my cat brings in a dead bird and I have to pretend I enjoy eating it so I don’t hurt his feelings


I’ve been barred from the local Mexican restaurant for repeatedly bringing and summoning my waiter with my personal maracas


A thoughtful Romcom about mansplaining called “Well, Actually”