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@msdanifernandez: Little Mermaid: I want to be where the people are
Me: trust me u dont
@WillMckenzieNot: At a restaurant: "Would you like a table?" "No, not at all. I came here to eat on the floor. Carpet for 5 please."
@SaraESpivey: Ironically, the Boogeyman was a terrible dancer.
@dmc1138: If anyone needs some loose IKEA parts, let me know. Also, if you're ever at my apartment, I'd avoid sitting on or touching any of my furniture.
@MissSassy_Pants: Me: Where are the zip ties and duct tape?
Costco employee: Aisle 6
Me: [squeezing his bicep] Oooo you're beefy. Do you guys carry chloroform?
@LurkAtHomeMom: A friend wanted to know what it’s like to be a mom, so I busted down her bathroom door while she was taking a shower so I could tell her that I’m thinking about changing the name of one of my stuffed animals.