I point my gun at the bank teller and order him to fill my bag with cash but he struggles because the bag is already full of tacos.
Little Mermaid remake: Ariel falls in love after seeing the tender way Prince Eric holds a fish in his Tinder profile.
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Wanna have a little fun?
Go to Facebook and post “Anyone know a good lawyer?”
Then sit back and watch the speculation run wild!
[reading online survey]
Are you ready to double your satisfaction?
My god this sounds wildly inappropriate.
My kitten runs away when the kids come near her, and now I’m mad that I never thought to try that myself.
ME: I cant make it in today
BOSS: again? why
M: my car died
B: that’s the same excuse you used yesterday
M: yeah but today’s the funeral
I now realize that my mom did not actually have eyes in the back of her head. She just did as I do, randomly yell out “stop it” every 30 min
Men and women CAN be just friends. But only if one of them is ugly.
’Gyno’ is what ladies say to men sliding into their DMs
Please stop telling me how you wish you had my curly hair. You don’t know the struggle of waking up looking like Mufasa.