@Knorg

Little Mermaid remake: Ariel falls in love after seeing the tender way Prince Eric holds a fish in his Tinder profile.

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@BoozeWallet

I point my gun at the bank teller and order him to fill my bag with cash but he struggles because the bag is already full of tacos.

@TheMichaelRock

Wanna have a little fun?

Go to Facebook and post “Anyone know a good lawyer?”

Then sit back and watch the speculation run wild!

@LoveNLunchmeat

[reading online survey]

Are you ready to double your satisfaction?

My god this sounds wildly inappropriate.

*clicks yes*

@TheNYAMProject

My kitten runs away when the kids come near her, and now I’m mad that I never thought to try that myself.

@Brampersandon_

ME: I cant make it in today
BOSS: again? why
M: my car died
B: that’s the same excuse you used yesterday
M: yeah but today’s the funeral

@RealDMK

I now realize that my mom did not actually have eyes in the back of her head. She just did as I do, randomly yell out “stop it” every 30 min

@Vice_Queen

Please stop telling me how you wish you had my curly hair. You don’t know the struggle of waking up looking like Mufasa.