Contrary to what my voicemail will lead you to believe, I am in fact not sorry for missing your call
Live, Laugh, Love
Leer, Lunge, Lactate
Do things that start with L
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You have been warned.
Me: So do you LIKE like me or
Hubs: ” Few glasses of wine tonight hun”?
Me: ” Yeah, I had a glass of red”
Hubs : ” Just one eh”
Me: ” Well I use the same glass”
If you don’t think Colorado needs a wall then you’ve never met someone from Wyoming
We’re about two years from funerals starting and ending with, “don’t forget to like, share and subscribe.”
Friends: Get married. Have kids. Get a promotion. Travel the world.
Me: Still standing in the grocery store trying to get open a plastic produce bag.
me: I think my hippo might be dying
vet: sir, that’s a really really fat horse
me: BECAUSE IT ATE MY HIPPO
I’m most freaked when I take the dog out after dark and remember it’s stupid white girls like me that are killed first in horror movies.
I’ll do your taxes for free if you tell my mom we’re dating.