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@_umcomfortable: lmao this has gotta be from some Tim and Eric bit
@omgthatspunny: A squirrel needs about two pounds of acorns a week to survive. That's nuts!
@KalvinMacleod: 95% of parenting is using your sock as a mop.
@ibid78: 🎶 And I would walk 500 ft. and I would walk 500 more/ Just to be the man who stayed 1000 ft away as ordered by the court 🎶
@419BillE: Uh oh I planned two dates today thinking one of them would cancel and now I have to come up with a lie and quick
@Dani_Feld: Him: I like powerful women.
*dresses up as a rhino*