@AimeeHelene1: When in Texas...
*heads into the desert*
*hugs cactus*
*shoots said cactus*
*rides off into the sunset on horseback*
@TweetsByKaylee: writer: you know how cats chase mice?
producer: yea?
writer: this one has a twist
producer: *leaning back* go on
writer: the mouse outsmarts the cat
producer: *slamming hands on desk* preposterous!
writer: i call it tom & jerry
producer: *wiping tears* those are my names
@CaptPinkbeard: Professor X: what's your superpower?
Me: I'm half horse, half Isaac Newton
Professor X: oh... ok. listen, we don't have any openings right now bu-
Me: they call me The Centaur of Gravity
Professor X: welcome aboard
@BlindChow: "That'll be $19.94."
*pulls out $50 bill*
"Sorry, we've had a problem with counterfeit bills. Have anything smaller?"
*pulls out $25 bill*
@ValeeGrrl: ME: my husband wears a pair of jorts the week I'm ovulating
DOCTOR: no i meant are you on any form of hormonal birth control
ME: ah. no.
COMMENTS