@cakezilla
@Jmboyd58
Yes, I absolutely want to hear about your cat’s medication.
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@Jmboyd58
@MakesYouGiggle
Dear people with resolutions,
Please bring all your unwanted.. bread, junk food, soda, drugs, and alcohol to my house. Thanks.
@TankCesar
My doctor tells me I’m healthy enough for sexual activity…I’m just not attractive enough.
@SamuelHLowe
I wonder what my dog named me.
@beefman138
I have done about 300 crunches for my new exercise routine.
299 of them are Nestlé.
@HlessHman
When everyone is getting off the zoom call but you’re struggling to find the leave meeting button so then it’s just you and the host
@KimmyMonte
Rejected Pixar Movie Titles:
House Float
Find My Fish Son
Automobile People
A Rat Cooked This
Ugh, We Gotta Find Another Fish
@RandomlyMJ
*hits on a guy*
He’s bleeding. I think I’m doing this wrong.
@theshamingofjay
No thanks World Cup, if I wanted to watch a bunch of guys unsuccessfully try to score I’ll just stay on Twitter.
@Josievorenkamp
When someone starts a Facebook post with “there are no words…” You better get prepared because you’re about to read a lot of words.