Harry Potter: A Shortened Version
Voldemort: I must kill Harry Potter.
Everyone else: Lol, no.
Local video store is offering a chance to win free iPads, so naturally, I reported them as spam.
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LAWYER: Can you tell the court where you were the night of the murder
ENGLISH TEACHER: I’m sure I CAN, yes
LAWYER: Ugh. Please tell the court where you were the night of the murder
ENGLISH TEACHER: Much better. I was killing the victim
if you watch Titanic from d back; it’s about dead people resurrecting from the sea, pulling up a ship fixing it and sailing to England
I don’t consider myself a controlling person.
Side note: Anyone else have a list of people your spouse can’t marry if you die?
I would describe my conference call personality as “also there”
Lauren’s coming over.
“Lauren from work or the one who pretends to be a Dr?”
Lauren: Sorry I’m late, I removed a gooblyglop from a dinkis.
Satanism is appealing but it’s still having the same imaginary friend as a bunch of other people. I wouldn’t feel special.
They should really have disposable razors in the women’s bathrooms at bars.
I bought a used UPS truck. It gets poor gas mileage but I can park anywhere.