Agreeing to pick a friend up from the airport is nice until that time comes and you start thinking about if you really even need that person in your life anymore.
• Password must be 6 digits
Me : *Types “6 digits”*
Computer : You are an imbecile.
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Asked my son what he wanted for dinner. He said cheese. A good mom doesn’t let her kid eat cheese for dinner.
This cheese is delicious.
This salad is delicious, probably because it’s a donut.
a conspiracy: all these dudes on tinder are actually holding the same fish. they just ship it to each other when they need a new photo because they can’t actually catch one
You can tell a lot about my BF by the way he’s giving me the silent treatment. He’s doing it wrong. I’m doing it right but can’t tell him.
I could never succeed at chemistry. I Guess that’s why it’s called chemist “try”
Annual reminder that Valentine’s Day was a scam invented by Goodyear to sell all the heart-shaped tires their factory made by mistake
“Son do you know how to tell if a pineapple is ripe?”
*throws pineapple against grocery store wall*
“Ah nuts that was a good one.”
Me: *plays video games to avoid my problems*
Me in game: *puts off main quest to avoid my characters problems*
My 6-year-old walked into the room and said, “Don’t worry, Dad. I’m OK.”
Time to search the house for whatever she destroyed.