“Woo, I’m on a roll today, baby!”
LOGIC: Obviously, the end of the week is the “weekend”
What if I offe
red you ano
ther idea of what “week
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The person who is your first and last thought of the day is either the one who has your heart, or who’s murder you’re secretly plotting.
horse: [driving in a car past people in a field] PEOPLE!
Why DOES “February” have that extra R? It should just be “Februay.”
Alcohol is generally the answer. Especially when the question is ‘why can’t I remember what the question is?’
My 8yo just reasoned that I should clean up the mess from her craft project because I was the one who suggested she do the craft project.
Laziness level: expert.
Dig one moat around your house and everyone’s all “you’re being unreasonable” and “where did you get the alligators”
If we get pulled over this beer is yours.
If ex asks you to go bungee jumping remember, cord goes around feet not neck, no matter what they tell you.
Never ask Google for relation advice.
I’ve gone from small disagreement to getting two mails from divorce lawyers in three clicks.