Lois : Clark, are those binoculars?
Clark Kent : Yes, I can’t find my glasses.
Lois : Put them down for a second.
Clark :
Lois :
Clark : No

You Might Also Like


You say tomato. I say tomato. Our eyes meet. We’ve decided on the perfect name for our baby


I want to grow my own food but I can’t seem to find any bacon seeds anywhere.


I pulled my Power Washer out not because anything really needed cleaning but because you may as well have some fun while your quarantined. Related, my neighbor is soaked.


Sorry for releasing thousands of shrieking bats at your wedding. Sometimes I don’t know what to do with my hands.



“No you hang up!”
“No you hang up!”
“No you hang up!”
“No you hang up!”


“No you shut up”
“No you shut up”
“No you shut up”
“No you shut up”


There is a piece of aluminum foil blowing across the road and all I can think is that one of you is without your protective headgear today.


My family is driving me more nuts than usual. If you find me wandering the streets in a daze, please don’t return me home.


The next person who calls it an ATM Machine is getting sent to the ICU Unit.


My experience with organized crime was getting two friends to help me tip a vending machine while I reached up inside for chips.


Wife: [on phone] I just got home where are you guys?

Me: the hospital.

Wife: what happened?

Me: our son swallowed a watermelon seed.

Wife: so? it’s not like it’s gonna grow a watermelon in his tummy lol.



Me: we’ll be home in 10 minutes.