@trojansauce

LOIS LANE: *pulls back from kissing* clark your glasses are hurting my nose can you take them off
CLARK KENT: no

LOIS LANE: *pulls back from kissing* clark your glasses are hurting my nose can you take them off
CLARK KENT: no

- @trojansauce

You Might Also Like

@Dawn_M_

Not sure if I actually like movies or just like looking at something while I eat popcorn.

@TrueTorontoGirl

Employee: Everything I eat goes right through me.
Me: Yup, that’s how digestion works.

@batkaren

“And the award for best empty chasm goes to…Howling Void!”

HOWLING VOID: [howling]

@internetluke

[on phone with mom]
SHE SAID YES!!!!
“congrats, son”
I asked her if she thought I was weird
“Wait what?”
She thinks I’m weird. We broke up

@MikeOdenthal

Think about how many variations of apple there would be had they not mercy-killed the pineapple guy before he could name more fruits

@shopkins776

If there’s a zombie apocalypse and you see one zombie taking a nap, that will be me

@thewritertype

Confuse future archeologists by burying your pets in elaborate military uniforms.

@ninjadinosaur1

have a nail gun and some boards laying around? show him you love him by adding some attractive wood paneling to his car

@pleatedjeans

cop: why’d you kill him?
me: I was trying to count something and he kept shouting random numbers
cop: ugh hate that you’re free to go