It looks like bathroom tai chi but it’s me trying to trigger the automatic paper towel dispenser.
LOIS LANE: *pulls back from kissing* clark your glasses are hurting my nose can you take them off
CLARK KENT: no
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COP: License and registration please
ME: Can’t sell ya those but I do have drugs
Hubby’s ex emailed him wanting to “reconnect”.
I wanna pretend to be him & set it up so I can re CONNECT my foot up her ass
God [creating centipedes]: *falls asleep with elbow on the legs button*
I blame our unhappy marriage on my wife mostly because of her poor choice in men.
I’ve never texted someone to let them know I made it home safe. Shoulda come with me if you wanted details
My son said he’d do something in a minute.
So far it’s been 185 days, 16 hours & 11 minutes but who’s counting.
Used way too much moisturizer and I may have to call in slick tomorrow.
Don’t think you’re immune. We’re all just a whim away from singing “The Lion Sleeps Tonight.” Yes, a whim away…a whim away…a whim away.
Telling my daughter garlic is good for you. Good immune system and keeps pests away.Ticks, mosquitos, vampires… men.