@briangaar: Looking at the smoldering corpses of his enemies, Harry Potter thought "damn magic is dope as hell." #LastLinesFromGreatBooks
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@primawesome: Every time I have a salad for lunch my stomach feels the same way a dog does when someone fake throws a tennis ball.
@jus4golf: I once went out with a girl that said she was flexible like a Slinky. Two flights of stairs later, I decided she wasn't.
@Book_Krazy: Him: I think you pick fights with me to get out of doing things together Me: That's not true H: Wanna go hiking M: I don't like your tone
@ClaytonSykes: Judge: Your client says he's mentally fit to stand trial correct?Lawyer: Yes, your honor.Judge: Then can you tell him to get out of my seat?