There are two kinds of people in this world, people that know things and people who don’t know how to use Google.
Looking for a friend with benefits. Preferably dental.
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Don’t let people tell you that life after college is nothing but being poor and tired. It’s 100% true, but it’s more fun if it’s a surprise.
May god have mercy on the soul of the person who takes this job
Put your right leg in, Put your right leg in, Put your right leg in, Put your right leg in, Put your right leg out, Put
-spider hokey pokey
You forgot to practice
We miss you
Fine good luck flirting with french girls you monolingual crétin
imagine boycotting beauty & the beast because of a gay character while being totally cool with a teenage girl falling in love with a buffalo
[princess gets captured in a castle]
[princess breaths a sigh of relief cuz she knows 2 short Italian plumbers]
*finds baby on doorstep*
Me: Should…should we keep it?
Wife: …Let’s sleep on it
Me: (wide-eyed) Christ Deborah that’d kill him
We’re out of toilet paper, also don’t pet the cat.