We're redesigning Funny Tweeter. Your feedback is always welcome. Talk to us at @funTweeters
@EricaLynnz: Looking for a friend with benefits. Preferably dental.
@Bob_Janke: Women with horses are rich versions of cat ladies.
@zero3_benz: You ever notice that the most dangerous thing about marijuana is getting caught with it?
@Marlebean: *Secretly hands your kid a Sharpie*
"So tell me more about that homemade all-natural organic cleanser."
@JD_KC: House is clean. Time to sell the children and move.
@UnFitz: [first date]
Me: So what do you do?
Her: I’m a dietician.
Me: Fascinating. There are so many ways to die, right?