@Stellacopter: Looking like shit greatly increases your chances of seeing someone you know at the store by 90%.
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@TheMichaelRock: The worst part about winter is how the ground is hard and crunchy and it makes me constantly crave nachos.
@jctwritesstuff: Me: So anyway, I don't know why people think LSD is so weird. Three-legged, bright pink Griffin: I know, right? Me: I like your top hat.
@fowlerism: Hey girl, are you the barbed wire fence surrounding Meryl Streep's house? Cause I just can't seem to get over you
@BoogTweets: Me: *looks back at two sets of foot prints in the sand* Why didn’t you carry me back there? Jesus: You were stress eating during those times and got kind of umm… *holding arms out* you know… *puffs out cheeks*