If you’re ovulating and have sex standing up…
Is it called a standing ovulation? Asking for a friend
Looking up at his wife, he asked, “Honey, Do I have trouble making up my own mind?”
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I fully support any type of marriage that doesn’t involve me.
When she stops crying and gets really quiet, keep your guard up. You’re experiencing what scientists refer to as “the eye of the shitstorm.”
You can usually tell which duck is the cop because he has a mustache and a gun.
Date: I love car chase action scenes
Me, a fruit stand vendor: I think we’re done here
If you’re telling a story to a group and are interrupted and then no one asks you to continue, ruin their party by drowning in the pool.
And then Satan said, “Put the alphabet in math…”
Failed biology because apparently the answer to “what is commonly found in cells?”
Isn’t “Blacks and Mexicans”
*family meeting at Noah’s house* who wants us to do what by when?