@Scorpio1080

Looks at today’s news…. hears Benny Hill theme.

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@yoyoha

every time the weather starts to warm up those fraps start lookin goooood

@sween

Hipster sushi restaurants only serve eye rolls.

@Kryzazy

I have a Chewbacca bathrobe and didn’t shave my legs so I’d have pants to match.

@robfee

Pretty sure airport food was priced by children just learning about numbers.
“Ok Brian, how much should this apple cost?” SIXTY TWO DOLLARS!

@impJOKER

‘If more than one mouse is mice,
then more than one Spouse is Spice.’

@str8outaCompUSA

Jesus, don’t take the wheel. Give me your keys. Sober up.
*hands cup of water*
DON’T TURN THAT INTO WINE AGAIN