@LaceyNycole

Looks like mommy just painted her fingernails… time to take a shit!

-my baby

Looks like mommy just painted her fingernails… time to take a shit!

-my baby

- @LaceyNycole

You Might Also Like

@robfromonline

me: i feel terrible

my doctor who is also a cat: have you been sprinting around the house at 2am and yelling for no reason?

me: uh, not really

my doctor who is also a cat: [scribbling in my chart] hmm yeah that’s not good

@E_lok44

One drink, I feel glamorous
Two, I get amorous
Three, a bit stammerous
Anymore than four, I’m on the floor,
all drooly and hammerous

@InsouciantMan

Wife just looked at an 8″x8″ picture and estimated it to be 12″x12″.

Perhaps you can see why I consider this a good thing.

@LaLuchaNix

My husband says none of my metaphors make any sense. He is just an empty canoe in the snow.

@NomDeBenoit

Ouija™ board by Milton Bradley – because if anyone can bridge the gap between the living and the dead, it’s the folks who brought you Hungry Hungry Hippos.

@ericsshadow

WOMAN: [disgusted] some people shouldn’t have children

ME: [gently placing my son in her shopping cart] thank you

@CindyMeakin

I’m just a girl, standing in my kitchen, forgetting what I came in here for.

@ShortSleeveSuit

GUY: *busts in bleeding* i owe money to some bad dudes you gotta help me

ME: *proudly reaches down and pulls the pennies out of my loafers* you’ve come to the right place