Lose something? Need help? Call 1-800-MOM & a team of moms will be deployed to you to ask you “Well, did you look?”Or “did you look-look?”
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Pretty fed up with the fact that pandemonium almost NEVER involves pandas.
My husband and I are having a serious fight.
Do you think I should let him know about it?
The more dinner parties you host for your family of porcelain dolls, the more real their laughter and conversations become…but they still won’t pick you up at the airport.
“We had to let him go. He was only pulling 15 times his weight.”
– Corporate ants.
Did the dinosaurs on the Flintstones know that they could eat the people instead of working for them?
One day ISIS is going to screw up and accidentally hit ‘add your location’ to a tweet.
SAILER: but captain there’s an ice berg right ahead
CAPTAIN WHO LOOKS SUSPICIOUSLY LIKE A SHARK: i said straight ahead
How many Mexicans does it take to change a light bulb? Just Juan.
People saying I should stand up for myself have never sat in this bean bag chair.