@JimmySelfDest

*loses beer

*opens new beer

*finds old beer

*drinks 2 beers

I win

*loses beer

*opens new beer

*finds old beer

*drinks 2 beers

I win

- @JimmySelfDest

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@VerbsRProudest

Those plastic bags in the produce department that are so hard to get open are designed to keep your ego in check. Its intentional.

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When I was 16 years old, the morning of my birthday, my parents tried to surprise me with a car, but they missed.

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God: you’re a cow.

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God: you just can’t get enough grass.

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God: uh sure.

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@anerdonfire2

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