[loses house key, starts a new life]

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MORPHEUS: April fools!
NEO: ?
M: There’s no Matrix.
N: What?
M: You’ve been drugged, son.
M: We’ve been harvesting your organs.


If you could choose between having a girlfriend and owning the new playstation what would be your first game?


Me: Come to my party. I’m making my “secret special punch.”

Her: You mean vodka & food coloring?

Me: Who told you my secret?!?


English would be much easier to learn if the guy who came up with the word “waterfall” was in charge of inventing all new words


Skeletor: Nice ride
He-Man: Thanks
Skeletor: Prince Adam has a pet tiger too
He-Man: Yeah? Complete different guy though


AOL has been hacked. Users have also been asked to check their Atari settings for possible compromise.


Dude open the door!

*barricading* How do i know you’re not 1 of them?! Were you bit?!

What?! Do you not know what a hurricane is?


Wife: You put the wrong date on this.

Me: Oh, yeah. The year change always messes me up.

Wife: You wrote 1992.


I saw a guy that had a knife on his belt tonight and I thought, “now there’s a guy that’s really prepared to slice some cake”