Any woman with three or more exes in her city could have told Obama how to avoid Putin in Normandy.
Lost in a corn maze? Light it on fire. Turn it into a popcorn maze. Eat your way out.
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This is now my favourite pie chart ever.
If you see a hot girl walking you should honk your horn to let her know you’re intrested and afraid to talk to girls.
ICYMI: Yesterday, MarineLand Canada sent the police to my house because I tweeted “Life is short. Steal a walrus”. Vid or it didn’t happen? Ok:
do you generate electricity with water through the process of hydropower because dam
Kissing: first base
Under shirt stuff: second base
Under pants stuff: third base
Taking two to make a thing go right: Rob Bass
Pastor: If anyone opposes, speak now or forever hold your peace
Me (raises hand)
Pastor: It’s your wedding
Me (lowers hand)
Seeing the leaves change in autumn always reminds me of my Grandpa. He died falling out of a tree too.
*googles how to cook something*
Food Blog: Well, we’re gonna get there but first let me tell you about my trip to Sicily when I was 17, a boy named Valentino and how I discovered the joy of GRAINS.
I don’t drink. This means when I do karaoke, it’s on purpose.