Love is patient. Love is kind. Love has never been in a relationship apparently.

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Jeff Bezos this morning:

“Alexa, end my marriage”


No thanks, I’m not hungry right now. I’ll just wait until after you put it away and sit down. Then I’ll have some.



Good luck to the 13 year old girl who is pregnant and wrote “California” for ethnicity on her clinic forms.


[first day as a doctor]
You seem depressed. Also you look underweight, how’s your diet?
[nurse interrupts me]
“Dr that’s the model skeleton”


45 min phone call w/8yo nephew:

Aunt Cassy, there are 206 bones in the human body!Want me to name them?1.Cranium 2.Mandible 3.Scapula…


Here are 5 things you should know about me:

1. Iโ€™m very secretive


Relatives – Because sometimes you need reminding of your bad genes too


I startled my dog as she was peeing on a mailbox so now the dog she was leaving a message for is only gonna get half of it