Love so rare, you can still hear it moo.

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Geography FACT: The world’s second highest mountain is called Everer.


Thank God you’ve updated your status to “Finished lunch” after you first posted “Going to lunch” I really couldn’t tolerate more suspense.


Wife: we need to talk about your childish behavior.




Wife: *sigh* we need to talk about your childish behavior… Over.

Me: *clicking walkie talkie* please bring a PBJ up to the tree house and we’ll negotiate, over.


Ok, so there’s “senior’s parking,” and “expectant mothers parking” at the grocery store.

Where is the parking for “Undermedicated, on a short fuse and probably shouldn’t be out in public?”


My morning commute was hectic today. I tripped over a dog toy and almost spilled my coffee. I made it to the couch safely though.


*pronounces “naked” like “baked”


“Password is incorrect”

*resets password*

“New password cannot be the same as the old password”


“I should probably start filling this thing out.”

-I say about my son’s baby memory book on his wedding day.


Take on cheese
(Take on cheese)
Take brie on
(Take on cheese)
And fromage