@HelmdawgE
Twerking is the crocs of dancing.
@human_not_bees
Lovingly painting a Hitler moustache on my mother with a Sharpie so she’ll only go out if it’s absolutely necessary.
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@HelmdawgE
@ixix82
“So You Were Trying to Be Polite But Now He Wants to Wear Your Skin As Pajamas: A Woman’s Guide to the Internet”
@Bucktweet_Say
Who did this?
#EpsteinCoverup
@bwfrance
On second thought, it was probably a bad idea to start my freestyle rap with “I like oranges.”
@jellybnbonanza
I’m disappointed that the book “Who Moved My Cheese” was not a mad-cap cheese caper.
Did not finish.
@B0niferd
Girls who say bestie are the worstie.
@clinicallychill
Haunted by a ghost that hates confrontation they just leave notes on my bathroom mirror like “saw u werent scared by me last nite whats up?”
@whatmaddness
[inventing wedding dresses]
a massive skirt!
more skirt!
MORE
now, put a skirt over her face!
god ya that’s the stuff
@mkesquire
Jokes on her! I LIKE sleeping on the couch.
@2free2stylr
I’ll always treasure my high school yearbook as a handy list of people to never see again