@Bluestmoon_: Luckily, children are much easier to keep alive than house plants.
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@moooooog35: Me: Hey, am I too wrinkly? Daughter: You're old, that's going to happen. Me: I MEANT MY SHIRT.
@ShanaRose21: After reading some marriage tweets I'm beginning to suspect we all may have been married to the same person.
@SkinnerSteven: BOSS: "Send that email to the client and copy me-" Me:*Boss voice* "Send that email to the client and copy me"