Whenever I skip a day on the treadmill, I add the 25 minutes to the next day. Tomorrow, I will be running until 2026.
Lucy in the Sky with Some Splainin’ to Do.
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“What if a third team came and attacked these two teams?” – my daughter, not understanding football/making football more awesome
I think the closest I’ve come to playing romantic music at a girl’s window is when I forgot to turn down “Eye Of The Tiger” at the drivethru
Friend: I think I smell burnt toast
Me: that’s awesome! You don’t have Covid
Logic says the screw I dropped should be somewhere by my feet, but science says it’s under the couch in the other room.
date: do you like reading?
me: *holding menu upside down* is it spicy?
Apparently when I’m at Olive Garden I’m family.
So why did they call the cops when I left without paying? My family never makes me pay.
Squirrel Hell and Dog Heaven are the same place
No. I’m not pregnant.
That’s my liver.
I edited all the slow motion scenes in Baywatch back to regular speed. The entire series was only 16 minutes long.